Things

Things... chapters... issues... subjects...

Things. How are things going?

Overall, things are going quite well. I really have nothing to complain about. Well, publicly at least. But it my own little mind, I might beg to differ. That's what I need to work on.

Well, first and foremost, things with little Maya are stupendous. Wonderful. Amazing. She is such an incredible little baby and I treasure each day we have together. It is such an experience to see how she changes by the day, what she learns, and how she grows. Or rather, how we grow together. It's true. I learn more about her every day, which changes how we handle things - what kind of schedule to put in place, what amuses her, when she gets tired/hungry/bored. She changes so much too! Her random smiles have turned into real responses... she loves funny faces and funny voices. When she wakes up in the morning or from nap and is refreshed, she is so proud of herself and can't stop smiling. It's just so damn wonderful to be with her.

It's made me a total sap. Seriously! I think I've cried more - tears of happiness as well as sadness - since she's been born than I have in the last 15 years. I'm just not much of a crier. Emotional, yes. Sensitive, definitely. But I'm also analytical/logical, and I always try to analyze my emotions and file them away in the appropriate drawer. Well, that approach just doesn't work when you have a baby. Emotions just get sprayed all over the board. No time to hire an administrative assistant.

I guess having a baby does that to you. Makes you more sensitive about the world. About others. About family.

Yesterday Maya was up at 6 am. Well, she was up earlier but I didn't get her out of her crib until 6am (part of our sleep training). I turned on the TV and this movie, "This is my Life" was on. Have you ever seen this movie? Oh, it's so wonderful... It's with Samantha Mathis and Gaby Hoffman - and it's about a single mom and her two daughters, and what they go through... and really, how much they love each other, even though they are so different. My sister and I used to watch this movie when we were younger... and we loved it. It's just such a sweet story about the 3 gals just sticking together. And it totally mirrors how I feel about my mom and my sister. I was sitting there with tears running down my face watching the movie! I immediately sent my mom (who is in Thailand currently) and sister an email, telling them how much I love them, and how grateful I am to have such an amazing mom and sis. Seriously - do you ever think about the fact that you can't choose your family? I feel so lucky that I was born into mine. Even though we went through a lot - divorce, courts, lots of fighting between mom and dad, remarriages, more divorces - I am incredibly lucky and am eternally grateful to my higher power - whatever it is - for blessing me with it.

Other things... work. I went into work last Thursday to see everyone and so they could see Maya. Of course she fell asleep in the car on the way over, and slept for 3 solid hours, so they just saw a sleeping beauty. It was really nice to see everyone. Of course, the CEO said, "Are you ready to come back to work?" Oy. Yes I am. And no I'm not.

I've just decided that I'm going to give it my best shot. If I can't stomach it, I won't force myself. We could survive financially with me not working. H would support it. The only negative is that we get all our benefits through my job. But we'd be able to work that out somehow too. I just wonder about myself... how would I feel 6 months down the road? Would I feel bored? Would I feel like I lost my identity? It's hard to judge how you'll feel in the future... so I'm going to go as prepared as I can, and with the best of intentions, and we'll see how it goes. I think I can at least do that.

Speaking of being prepared, I've really been working on Maya sleeping better. It would just break me up to be at work and not know that my girl was sleeping properly. So here we are on day 6 of "Operation sleep-train" and the results have been miraculous. Last night she went down at 7pm, and slept solid until 6am! I went to sleep around 10:45 and slept quietly and peacefully until 6 am! Wow... I was impressed. Naps are getting better too. We're up to two naps a day in her crib. Need to get to 3. And she is falling asleep by herself every time. Each day is getting better and it makes me so proud and happy!

And in the realm of personal "me" time, I actually went out on Saturday night! To H's company party. We put Maya down to bed at around 6:30, the nanny came over, and off we went! It was nice to get out of the house, have a glass of champagne (or 2), and just be out with other adults. Definitely got to make that a weekly or biweekly thing.

So, in summation, things are great. I have a wonderful, amazing, healthy, independent, sleeping daughter. Who smiles a whole lot these days! I have a job! I need to be grateful for that... given the economy these days. I also have the flexibility to give that job up, if I need to. I have an amazing husband, mom, and sister.

I am damn lucky.